Street Fighter II: The Gaynimated Movie
by Dilly-Oh
Summary: What would happen if the same horribly sick fic author who re-wrote Street Fighter Alpha for their own humorous amusement did the same with Street Fighter II The Animated Movie? Again, you're looking at it! Enjoy the Street Fighter movie, re-vamped.
1. Part 1

Author's Note: Oh, boy. Here's Street Fighter II, the animated movie. I gotta say, I really didn't like this movie nearly as much as Street Fighter Alpha. Or at all, actually. And you know what that means? Better jokes. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Street Fighter.

Street Fighter II

The Gay-nimated Movie

Part 1

Thunder rumbled in the heavens, clouds swollen and heavy darkening the sky. Wind whistled through the short grass of a large field as rain pelted down unmercifully. On the wind-swept plains below, a fight was taking place. It was Ryu, the white-robed Japanese fighter, battling against Sagat, the huge, boulder-like man with an eye-patch who was a master of Muay Thai (and dressed in nothing but boxers? What the hell?). The two men, who were obviously the epitome of everything masculine and manly, leapt for one another, ready to do battle, to fight to the death, to-

KRA-_KOWWWWW_!

"_Eeeeek_!" Ryu shrieked shrilly and hopped into Sagat's burly arms, clutching his neck tightly in fear. "Oh my gosh did you _see_ that lightning?! That was so scary!!"

"Oh, I _know_," Sagat gushed, holding Ryu close. "I almost-" Suddenly he paused, a look of confusion on his dark face. "…Wait a minute…_get offa me_!"

"…But I feel so SAFE with you," Ryu whispered, leaning his head against Sagat's solid shoulder.

Sagat rudely threw him to the ground with a thud, and the fight commenced. The…_somewhat_ manly fighters continued their battle, as a strange and creepy green-tinged camera watched from a distance, recording data from the fighters. Ryu's name flitted on screen, followed by his height, weight, and-

"HEY!!" Ryu whirled around and pointed at the data displayed on the green camera. "I'll have you know that I am NOT that weight, mister, you'd best check yo scale AGAIN."

"Oh, come on!" Sagat drawled, rolling his one eye. "You are _so_- HEY!! My butt is not that big!!" Tears welled in his eyes- er, _eye_, as more data scrolled into view on Sagat's stats.

"…Yeah it is."

"Why you-!!"

And the battle was on again. This time Sagat managed to get the upper hand, beating Ryu down and onto the ground. As he raised a fist for the final blow, Ryu dodged and finished his opponent off with a nicely-done Hadouken.

Ryu stood above the smoldering Muay Thai champion, pleased with his victory. He paused, something catching his interest.

"…I'm taking this." He reached down and snapped off Sagat's eye-patch, replacing it over his own eye for amusement. Ryu then promptly ran into the lone tree on the plains.

KRA-_KOWWWW_!

"_Eeeeek_!" Ryu squealed again, cowering in fear. "Aw, man! Now there's no-one to hold me anymore! _Dammit_!!"

-Elsewhere…-

Elsewhere, probably a few days after the colossal fail of the so-called 'man' fight, a large commotion was happening at a tall building in London. An important-looking politician walked out the front doors to be swarmed by the press, who were, fittingly, a writhing group of vultures, all screeching and cawing for his blood and photo and possibly a statement.

"_Eeek_! Stay back, you animals!" The politician squealed in fright, smacking the sharp beaks and talons away. "I didn't know she was a hooker! I swear!" He began struggling through the rabid pack of vultures, trying to make it to his waiting limousine at the curb.

Inside the surging crowd, a single cloaked figure smirked. Suddenly the cloak was whipped off, revealing Cammy, the blond pig-tailed fighter, with all her green swimsuit-like clothing glory. She dashed through the crowd until she reached the politician, who goggled with his mouth open when he caught sight of her.

"_Holy_-! It wasn't this girl, I swear!" He continued to plead, pointing at Cammy. "…Although I kinda wish it was, she's a cutie! How about dinner, darlin?" He held out an inviting hand to her.

Cammy head-butted him.

"No? How about the movies, then?" The politician continued after spitting out a tooth.

Cammy kneed him in the crotch.

"Oooh, playing hard to get?" The politician choked out, clutching his crushed testicles.

"_Why won't you die_?!!" Cammy spat at him, then finally leapt up, grabbed his shoulders and swung her legs high above his head, giving the camera and everyone else present an eyeful of her lady goods. "HEY!" Well you are, ho. "I thought you said there weren't gonna be any crotch-shots in this one!" I lied. "You bitch!!" Right back at you. "…Touché."

Cammy finally finished her move, swinging to the ground and snapping the man's spine like a toothpick beneath her. She tried to dash away to freedom, but a group of policemen surrounded and dog-pilled her before she could escape.

"Argh! No! Get off of me!" She struggled violently, trying to break free. "You can't take me to jail! You can't arrest-"

"Ooh, she smells so good! And she's so soft, too!" The men all cooed.

Cammy realized they weren't police officers at all. Just perverts.

"_GET THE *BLEEP* OFFA ME_!!!"

Suddenly the screen froze, catching Cammy mid-shriek. The camera pulled back to reveal Chun-Li, the lovely Asian fighter with the adorable buns…on her _head_. She stood before the large screen showing the footage, and lectured to a group of other officers at the meeting.

"This is Cammy White," Chun-Li began, pointing at the assailant on tape. "She is- what are you two _giggling_ at back there?!" She demanded, glaring at two young men standing in the back. "Just what is so funny, huh? Is it my buns? _It's my buns, isn't it_?!"

The two men in back started giggling again.

"Well if my buns are so hilarious, then you can just get the HELL out of this briefing!" Chun-Li exploded, deeply offended.

By this time, everyone in the room was giggling.

"WHAT?! What is so funny?!" Chun-Li rounded on them, fuming. "Why does everyone always laugh when I say 'buns'?!"

"Because," a senior officer explained through his laughter, "the word 'buns' can also mean your _butt_!" Everyone burst into howls of laughter. Chun-Li stared at them all in silence.

"The next person who laughs when I say the word 'buns' gets pistol-whipped!" She snapped. Everyone continued giggling. "By my _ass_-muscles."

The entire room went deathly silent.

"NOW," Chun-Li continued, turning her attention back to the screen, "Cammy was being controlled somehow. We think Shadowlaw is the one doing this, creating their very own terrorists by brain-washing them. It's selecting Street Fighters around the world after gathering data on them, and then turns them."

The picture on screen changed from Cammy to Sagat, who we met earlier in the girly fight with Ryu. Chun-Li turned to the picture and began to explain.

"This _creamy_ chunk of dark chocolate is Sagat," she told the audience. They all stared at her incredulously. "…What?"

"He…he is…_kinda_ cute," the General admitted with a shrug.

"Look, just continue, alright?" The Police Chief ordered impatiently. Chun-Li nodded.

"He's a champion Muay Thai fighter from Thailand. I wish he'd 'Muay Thai' me all night long." She finished, and the picture switched again, this time showing a large, muscled black man with boxing gloves. "And this brick of _sweet_ sexual cocoa is Balrog," Chun-Li explained, once again getting strange looks from the others. "I'd jump and swing on him til _dawn_-"

"Okay, I think we've seen enough!!" The impatient Police Chief interrupted. Chun-Li rolled her eyes and continued anyway.

"Listen, Bison, Shadowlaw's mastermind, has recruited these two and Vega as his personal bodyguards." She paused, considering. "GOD what I'd do to be in his shoes." She paused. "Or his bed-"

"Alright, _enough_!" The Police Chief exploded. "G…Go to your _room_!"

"You can't tell me what to do! You're not my father!" Chun-Li burst into tears and stormed away, sobbing. "I wish my real daddy was here! He understands me! I hate you!!"

Beside the Police Chief, the General raised a brow.

"…You really don't think he's just a _little_ bit cute?"

"NO!!"

-Elsewhere in the USA-

At a US Airforce Base in the United States of AMERICA, team AMERICA was busy practicing. A large fighter jet zoomed out of the sky and screeched down on the runway. The cock-pit opened to reveal Guile, the large, muscular AMERICAN fighter with a hedge-shaped head, who'd just removed his pilot helmet.

"Captain Guile!" A young soldier ran to the jet's side and addressed his superior with a salute. "How the HELL did that helmet fit over your ridiculous hair?!"

Guile stared at him for a moment, then whipped said helmet at the impertinent boy's head.

"Don't ask dumb questions, soldier," he muttered. From his vantage point he caught sight of some visitors – Chun Li and a few police officers! "Hm. Interpol is here." He climbed down off the jet and went to go greet them.

"I'm Chun-Li," the Asian beauty introduced herself as he approached, holding out a hand. He ignored it, instead grunting and raising a brow at her rather eccentric appearance.

"Nice buns," Guile stated.

"Wha…nice…buns…OH! Oh, you mean my _hair_!" Chun-Li blushed and self-consciously fingered her hair.

"No, I mean the ones on your _ass_, actually."

"…Oh." Chun-Li blinked, then slapped him across the face. "_Thank_ you."

"I think we're gonna get along just great," the Police Chief stated from behind.

"Forget it," Guile snapped at him. "Bison's ass is _mine_."

Chun-Li stared at him.

"You…you don't want me to give you a few moments so you can rephrase your statement?" She asked. Guile scowled at her.

"No, I _actually_ mean I want his sweet ass."

"Oh God."

There was a pause.

"…I like men-"

"OKAY I GET IT!!"

-Meanwhile…-

Meanwhile, little to anyone's knowledge, Bison's secret, evil lab (oh not this again) was located deep in the jungle, in a rock face (seriously, the rock has a *_bleep_*ing face). A sinister looking plane zoomed up, the face cracking in half and allowing the vehicle entry into the base. Accompanied to bad-ass music, the plane landed and a small staircase was lowered. As the music reached a fever pitch, Bison, accompanied with his lackeys, appeared in the jet's doorway, posing. He dramatically took a step forward, and-

Tripped on his cloak and tumbled down the stairs like a murder victim.

An awkward silence filled the room for a few long moments.

"…Hey man…y'all right?" Balrog called down.

"I'm FINE!" Bison snapped, struggling back to his feet and re-arranging his cloak. "Get back up, we're doing it again!" Bison's lackeys all whined like children as they climbed back up the stairs and were forced to pose and descend a second time, this time doing it correctly.

After the arrival came…_the walk_. Bison, flanked on either side by his loyal subordinates Vega, Balrog, and Sagat, marched down the many long corridors of his secret lab, his cape fluttering behind him, more bad-ass music blaring, people scurrying to get out of his way. Bison wheeled around the corner and-

Made a pit stop at the toilet. That plane ride was LONG and he'd drunk a ton of soda. His followers waited outside while he entered for a piddle.

"_Gawd_, how long are we gonna have to keep doing _the walk_?" Balrog complained, rubbing his legs. "I'm _starting_ to get _shin-splints_!"

"Plus my boots are _killing_ me!" Vega joined in. Sagat scowled at him.

"Then don't wear them! What are they, high-heel?!"

"Shut up! They make my legs look _longer_!" Vega snapped, modeling off his five-inch-heeled leather boots.

"Don't _listen_!" Bison barked from inside the bathroom as the tinkling of his urine could be heard.

"WE'RE NOT!!" The others shouted back.

Bison exited several moments later, refreshed and ready for _the walk_ once again. His followers groaned but followed. Bison continued to march down the halls, a length of toilet paper fluttering from the bottom of his boot. Finally the group reached the control room, where Bison sat in a large leather chair. Vega fell down into his own seat and tugged off his boots with a relieved moan.

"Oh, FINALLY!" He stretched his leg and held up his foot for the others to see. "Look, I've got _blisters_."

"Shut up!" Bison snapped from his chair. "One last time. And POSE!" Everyone posed one final time before Bison snapped his fingers. "Clichéd mad scientist, enter."

The clichéd mad-scientist, a small, shriveled old man with wild hair, entered the room.

"…Is it ready?" Bison asked solemnly. The mad scientist nervously met his gaze and nodded.

"Yes, it is. Here you go, sir." The mad scientist reached behind him. "Please, enjoy your…_warm milk_."

"_Gimme_!" Bison snatched the dairy treat from him, but his smile of glee was quickly replaced with an irritated scowl as he stared at it in silence. "…I _don't_ see my silly straw."

"Oh! Forgive me!" The mad scientist sputtered, bowing and scraping. "Here, here you are!" He quickly retrieved a curled silly straw and placed it in Bison's cup of milk. The evil mastermind smiled with satisfaction and drank deep.

Once Bison's thirst for bovine-juice was sated, he continued the meeting, a milk-moustache gracing his features from finishing off the remnants of his glass.

"So…" Bison growled, glaring at the mad scientist once again. "Is…that _other_ thing…done too?"

"_Yessss_," the mad scientist hissed with glee, rubbing his hands together like a diabolical fly. "Here, see for yourself!"

A nearby door slid open, and a figure walked jerkily into the room. It was a cyborg, constructed by the scientist to the likeness of a human being.

"They are a masterpiece of computer technology," the mad scientist gloated, watching his creation walk forward with pride. "It is absolutely flawless. They are able to-"

_CLONK_!

The cyborg ran into the wall and fell over backwards, fizzing and popping. Everyone stared at it in silence.

"…There's…still a few kinks I gotta work out," the mad scientist admitted after a short moment. He rushed to his creation's side and gingerly helped it up. It promptly ran into the wall and fell over again. "Look, it'll gather data on the Street Fighter's, alright?" He paused. "They also have microwaves installed in them."

"Really? _Excellent_." Bison grinned evilly. "Make me some more warm milk!" As Balrog set about this task, Bison glanced at the mad scientist. "And the man I've been looking for?" He asked. "What of him?"

"Oh, don't worry, sir," the mad scientist assured him. "I've already found him for you. See?" He held up a Where's Waldo book and pointed out the red-and-white striped culprit.

"…No…the…the _other_ man I was looking for."

"Oh. Then no."

-Meanwhile…-

Elsewhere in the world, namely the white-peaked Himalaya's, Ryu was busy training and honing his skills. …If it could be called that. He basically just stood there, arms out, not moving. What is he, training to be a living statue? After a few long hours of this _intense_ training, Ryu finally lowered his arms and wiped his glistening brow.

"_Phew_! What a workout! I am _beat_!" As he stood there on the cliff top, old memories resurfaced, of when he and Ken had trained with their master, Gouken, years before…

_-Flashback Time!-_

Ryu and Ken, looking a few years younger than normal, danced around each other, exchanging punches and kicks. Their training continued for a while until an old, quavering voice from a nearby run-down temple stopped them. They both kneeled by the building to hear their master's wise words.

"Good job, you two," Gouken's whispery voice said from inside the temple. "That's enough for now."

"…Master?" Ken suddenly asked, looking confused. "How come we never actually SEE you?"

A long, silence-filled pause followed Ken's question.

"I…I'm just _shy_, alright?" Gouken finally answered. "And you know what, Ken? You will NEVER have him."

"Wha…you…_you stupid old invisible fogey_!!" Ken exploded into tears and dashed into the forest behind him. Ryu watched him run off, sobbing wildly.

"…What the hell was that about?"

_-Flashback's Over!-_

And back to the present! Ryu still stood on his training grounds, looking more confused than ever.

"…Hmm, yeah. I remember that. And then Ken tried to rape me when I went after him." He muttered quietly to himself. "…Why are all my memories _bad_ ones?" He shrugged. "Oh well. Time for another bout of rigorous training!" He lifted his arms and once again stood stock-still, unmoving. "…Oh shit my balls itch!"

-Seattle-

Meanwhile, many miles away in Seattle, Washington, a familiarly effeminate man with long blond hair and a hankering for Ryu's hot ass zoomed down the road in a sexy red sports-car. Blasting from the car's speakers was none other than Venessa Carlton's 'A Thousand Miles', and to make things worse, Ken was singing along.

"Makin' my way downtown, walking fast, faces passed, and I'm homebound-"

*_Whee-oop_!*

A police cruiser pulled up behind the sports-car and flashed its lights.

"Oh, _fiddle_-sticks!" Ken swore and pulled over. As the officer slowly strode over, Ken gave him a wondering look. "Officer, why did you stop me? I was doing the speed limit!"

"That's _not_ what I'm ticketing you for," the police officer stated, ripping of the slip and handing it over.

"But then what- EXCESSIVE GAYNESS?! How is that even _possible_! What the _French_?!!"

"…Do you want another one?"

"I'm sorry. I'll stop." Ken promised. Finally free of the cop (who had quite the cute butt, Ken noted from the rear-view (a-HA) mirror), he zoomed back onto the road until he finally reached a restaurant. Sitting at one of the outdoor tables was a lovely young woman who'd gotten dressed up for the occasion. …Well we obviously know she's not _Ken's_ date, that's for sure!

Ken walked out onto the patio, removing his sunglasses and winking suggestively.

"Hey, baby," he cooed sexily, "you're looking _hot_ today."

"Oh," the woman blushed and smiled. "Why thank-"

"Wasn't talking to _you_, bitch," Ken interrupted. "I was talking to the guy behind you." The young man sitting behind the woman blushed and giggled.

"…Remind me why I'm with you again," the woman sighed dismally.

"Because I pay you to pretend to be my girlfriend so no-one will realize I'm gay," Ken explained in one breath. Suddenly he gasped and lunged forward. "_Ooh_! Is that the new Victoria's Secret?! I wanna see the new fall line of panties!" He opened the magazine and began flipping through. "Hmm, I bet I can squeeze my junk into that pink pair…"

"This makes _perfect_ sense," the woman stated, grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniels and guzzling it down with one swig.

-China!-

Wow, once again we're across the globe! Far away in China, Fei Long (wait, we actually _care_ about him?) had stood up his movie director once again and instead snuck into a fight club located in the slums. As he entered the dingy abode, air thick with smoke and bets, he saw the club's bouncers dragging an unlikely victim into the ring. Who is it? You guessed it. It's Ryu.

"Hey! Stop!" Ryu struggled to escape the grip of the two meaty bouncers. "I didn't even say anything to you guys!"

"Yes you did!" One of the bouncers snapped. "You made fun of my ass!"

"I _said_," Ryu stressed, "Nice SASH."

"…Oh." The bouncer blinked and blushed with pleasure. "Well _thank_ you. But you're still going into the ring."

"SONUVA-"

Ryu was hurled into the ring by the two men, and scrambled back to his feet to find his (quite large) opponent looming over him, an evil smirk on his face. The opponent (whom Chun-Li would probably classify as a 'Chinese order of extra-spicy curry' or something like that) was Asian, with a moustache, topknot, and tattoos. Ryu stared at the man, weighing his options.

"…Um…nice sash?"

"Thank you!" The opponent smiled brilliantly, then threw a punch at Ryu's face.

"HEY!" Ryu quickly dodged the blow and glared. "Learn to take a COMPLIMENT!" On his last word, he head-butted his opponent into three-year coma. "You're _welcome_," Ryu told his unconscious body.

"Hmm! Let's see how well you do against me!" Fei Long jumped into the ring, intent on fighting this new challenger. Ryu blinked and stared at him for a moment before replying.

"Well, first of all, you're not even _wearing_ a sash so I can't compliment you-"

"_WAAAAAAAAAAAAAIII_!" Fei Long let loose a howl and leapt at Ryu, fists flying. As the two began battling, Fei Long continued to scream and yell, punctuating his kicks and punches with loud "_woos_" and "_wees_".

"…Is that your fighting strategy?" Ryu asked, pausing in their battle. "You yell and screech like a cat in heat to distract your opponent from the fact that you can't fight for shit?"

Fei Long stared at him in shock.

"Yes, actually." He admitted. "Shit."

"_Hyaa_!" Ryu leapt forward and easily defeated the movie star with a series of spinning kicks. As Fei Long's unconscious body hit the floor, Ryu grinned down at him. "Again, you're _welcome_."

-Later…-

Later that same day, Ryu and Fei Long took a walk around town- what the hell is with guys and being friends after a fight?! …Whatever. As they walked, they conversed, getting to know one another better.

So, you beat Sagat?" Fei Long asked, raising an eyebrow. "I heard he teamed up with Shadowlaw."

"WHAT?!" Ryu was so angry he stopped in his tracks. "How could he?! He held me in his arms during that lightning storm and _everything_!"

"…What?"

"I said," Ryu quickly corrected, "what's Shadowlaw?"

"It's a crime syndicate that trades drugs, money, and weapons." Fei Long paused. "They're also REALLY gay."

"Hmm. Sounds like Ken." Ryu and Fei Long then said their goodbyes and parted ways.

-Back in Seattle…-

Meanwhile, back in Seattle, night had fallen. In a rather creepy dock filled with bobbing boats, one of the 'technological masterpieces', a scout cyborg, stood inside the cabin of a boat, watching a lone warehouse with its glowing eye. The warehouse was suspicious because parked right outside it was a familiar red sports-car…wait…what the _hell_ is Ken doing at the docks in a warehouse at this time of night?! Hold on…do I really _want_ to know?

*_CRASH_!!*

"You bastard! You said you loved me!!" An enormous Native American, dressed in jeans and a vest with war paint and feathers in his ink black hair, hurled another barrel at Ken, but missed because tears clouded his vision. He then jumped at his foe with kicks of righteous fury.

"Look, I'm sorry!" Ken begged, backing away. "But we have to break this off! My one true love is Ryu! We just have to END this thing, man!" He ducked another punch and scurried off to the side. "We're just not meant for each other! I mean, you've got, like _two_ six-packs, for God sakes!"

"This Ryu…" The huge Native American stopped and sniffled a bit. "How dare you compare me to him! I can love you like he never would! _I wish I could quit you_!!" He attacked Ken again, and this time the spoiled rich brat had no choice but to fight back or risk getting his lovely complexion besmirched. The two battled, moving from the inside of the warehouse to outside on the docks, where the watching cyborg was given a good view of the, what it labeled, 'super-humanly-gay-bitch-fight'.

Ken finally emerged the victor of the bout, beating the huge man to the ground and glaring down at him.

"No means NO, Chief Hot Ass!" He stated. "…It also means I'm taking them _hot_ tasseled boots of yours. Come to papa!" He crouched down and wrestled the boots off his opponent, who sniffled softly.

"Just like all the other Americans, you lie and break my heart!" A single tear slipped down his cheek.

"Aw…Chief…" Pity tugged at his heart strings, and Ken leaned close.

The watching cyborg then leapt into the ocean to commit suicide rather than stay to see what happened next.

-Calcutta-

Ryu, now having walked to Calcutta (wtf? Is he walking for Breast Cancer or WHAT?), strode down the dirt street as Akuma sold his wares- wait, WHAT? AKUMA? What the hell is he doing selling *_bleep_*ing fruit?

"I have to make money somehow!" The master of the Dark Hadou snorted. "I gots _bills_ to pay!"

…Okay, forget it. Let's just move on for now.

As Ryu moved down the street, he noticed a Street Fight taking place between two opponents, who were surrounded by a group of cheering locals. The two opponents were fighters whom Chun-Li would describe as 'a hulking boulder of semi-sweet white chocolate' and 'a thin stick of dark licorice'. …It was E. Honda (the huge sumo wrestler) vs Dhalsim (the weird voodoo guy with a skull necklace).

The crowd surrounding the two cheered feverishly as the opponents grabbed at another and grappled, grunting and growling. Ryu watched the spectacle with astonished disgust on his face.

"They let people do stuff like that out on the _street_?" He asked aloud. "What has the world _come_ to?" He paused, looking thoughtful. "Maybe I should take a picture for Ken…naw, that would just encourage him…"

The fight continued between the two opposites, unwittingly feeding data into the nearby cyborg, who was standing in the crowd and watching with the others. Luckily a camel trotted up and pissed on its leg, causing it to spark and malfunction.

Dhalsim began to use his weird voo-doo powers to gain the upper hand, taking control of Honda's large body and making him perform the most humiliating, demeaning task imaginable…EAT VEGETABLES.

"No! Noooo!" Honda sobbed as he was forced to eat carrots and lettuce with a side of sparkling water. "Can…FEEL self losing weight! NOOOOO!" Then Dhalsim pulled out his trump card – Honda's own bag of chips. Slowly, he ripped open the bag, pulled out a chip, and took a bite. "YOU SON OF A-!!" Honda broke through the voo-doo spell through sheer rage and rushed at his opponent, palms slapping. He finally defeated the smaller man by _sitting_ on him. Victory!

Ryu had lost interest in the fight/public display of affection and so began walking down the street again. As he did, a man leapt out of a nearby car, dashed up to a podium, killed a public speaker, began to run away, and got killed in a drive-by from another speeding car. As the car zoomed past the body, glitter was thrown out the windows. Ryu stopped and stared.

"…Well that was _rude_," he stated after a moment. "But also very gay. I know! They must have been Shadowlaw…"

"Hey."

"Huh?" Ryu turned to find Honda standing behind him, grinning hugely. "OHMYGODPLEASEDON'TEATME!!"

"Why does everyone always _say_ that?" Honda muttered to himself. "Not like I'd want to, anyway, since your muscles would make you all stringy and tough. Plus you'd probably need some _salt_-" He stopped himself as an awkward pause descended on the conversation.

"…You've tried it before, haven't you?" Ryu whispered.

"No!" Honda protested. "I did n- okay, maybe once, but it was a really long time ago." Ryu breathed a sigh of relief. "It was last week."

"Oh shit!"

"Anyway, here. This is for earlier." Honda pulled out a thick wad of cash and gave Ryu half. The Japanese fighter suddenly noticed people staring at them strangely.

"He…he didn't mean anything like _that_! Really! He just-!"

"Oh, come on now, honey," Honda teased. "Don't be shy!" He gave Ryu's butt a smack and strode away, laughing.

"Oh God not another one!!" Ryu burst into tears. "I already get enough of this from Ken!"

-End Part 1-

Disclaimer: I don't own Street Fighter.

Author's Note: Hmm, this fic's gonna be quite a bit longer than my Street Fighter Beta. Probably because I'm making fun of a lot more stuff. Oh well. Bye for now.


	2. Part 2

Author's Note: Here's part two. I'll try to cut them into three parts, like I did with Street Fighter Beta. Again, not like anyone cares…

Disclaimer: I don't own Street Fighter.

Street Fighter II

The Gay-nimated Movie

Part II

Glinting sinisterly in the sun's rays, Bison's evil jet of sinister evil zoomed through the sky. Onboard, Bison sat in a comfortable seat before a large screen, where the clichéd mad scientist bowed and began to speak to his superior.

"Our cyborg in Seattle sent us a tape before it malfunctioned for some odd reason." He shrugged. "Apparently it…tripped and fell into the ocean. I think you'll find it most valuable to your search."

"Hmph!" Bison snorted skeptically. "This had best be more worthwhile than the new Disney Princesses special I rented! Thing was a piece of crap and I want my money _back_!"

"Hey, _I_ liked it!" Vega piped up from the back.

"You would!" Bison snapped at him. "Now shut up! We're returning to base!" The sinister jet adjusted its flight course and made tracks back to the secret lab of evil (or evil lab of secret? Can't remember). Bison forced his subordinates to once again pose at the top of the stairs and do…_the walk_. After several minutes of this, he entered the control room and took his usual seat. Vega crawled into the room behind him, sobbing in agony.

"My sexy toes! They're _bleeding_!"

"Alright!" Bison glared at the screen before him, where the clichéd mad scientist had appeared once again. "Show us this tape."

"Yes, sir." The mad scientist nodded, placing a tape into a VCR player next to him. "I believe you'll find it _most_ enlightening!"

Bison and his lackeys all leaned forward expectantly.

The tape flickered on.

"_AWWWWWWWWGH_!!" Everyone recoiled in horror, faces contorted with disgust.

The tape was of Ken and the Native American fighter making sweet homosexual love.

"Wow, that's _hot_," Vega stated. Everyone uncovered their eyes to stare at him. "…Well it is!"

"Ken Masters is connected with Ryu," the mad scientist explained, the tape (thankfully) flickering out. "As you can see…" he pulled out a hefty folder filled with police reports and restraining orders. "…Plus he made this." He reached over and clicked a button. Immediately a site popped up on screen…of naked pictures of Ryu. The site was called 'Ryu-Watch'. "It turns out the two of them have studied under the same master for ten years." The scientist paused once again. "Ken's been in love with Ryu for eight."

"Hmm…yes, I see…" Bison murmured, thinking evil thoughts. "Gentlemen, we have found him!!"

"…Our new research specimen?" The clichéd mad scientist asked excitedly.

"…No. Waldo. See?" Bison held up the Where's Waldo book and pointed him out. "And I did it _all_ by myself too!"

"Good job, boss!" Sagat congratulated him, patting his shoulder. "This calls for a round of warm milks for everyone!"

Hearty cheers filled the room.

"Wait, sir! There's more!" The clichéd mad scientist interrupted. "They have Cammy at Interpol, and she's being questioned!"

Bison pursed his lips, considering.

"…With whips and chains?"

"Wha…what? No."

"Then I don't _give_ a shit!"

-Back in AMERICA-

Back in the good ol' US of A, Guile drove through the darkened streets of a city. After several twist and turns, he arrived at a tollbooth, where a soldier held up a hand and he stopped his car.

"Identification, please," the soldier said politely.

Guile held up his ID.

"_Other_ identification, please," the soldier said, firmly.

Guile scowled at him, then sighed and poked his head out of his car window, displaying his crown of outrageous hair.

"Well _that_ settles it!" The soldier stated matter-of-factly. "Only Captain Guile himself has hair _that_ ridiculous! Go ahead, sir, sorry to keep you waiting!" He waved Guile in as he muttered and swore under his breath, driving off into the base. As he drove deeper into the place, he was forced to screech to a halt when a figure appeared in his headlights.

The Asian beauty, Chun-Li, stood in his way.

"Get outta my way, Great Bitch of China!" Guile barked, in no mood for games.

"We have to work together!" Chun-Li barked back. "It's the only way to- wait. Did you just call me fat?"

"No. Now move or I'll run your fat ass over!"

"Oh, I bet you Ameri-CAN'T!" Chun-Li snorted.

Guile put his car in reverse, backed up, revved the engine, then screamed forward and hit Chun-Li in the knees before jerking to a halt.

"…Sorry, I…have bad brakes," Guile stated as she staggered back to her feet.

"Oh, I'm gonna break _something_, alright!" She snarled, rubbing her smarting knees. "Look, one of my buns is loose…"

"Actually, I think they're both pretty tight-"

"SHUT IT!" Chun-Li, now sure that her knees weren't broken, straightened and glared at her stubborn opponent. "Look, let's just put our differences aside and work together! It's the only way we can catch Bison! You're putting personal emotions before common sense! You'll never defeat Bison that way!"

"Shut up! How would you understand!" Guile opened the door to his car and stormed up to Chun-Li. "That bastard! I'll never forgive him! He…he…_cheated_ on me!"

"That's not-"

"With VEGA."

"_Euuugh_." Chun-Li gagged. She could understand Sagat or Balrog, but Vega? Good lord, why not do a chick? "Okay, so Vega is the other woman. But still! We need to-"

"No, that's not how I roll!" Guile cut her off. "It's just me! Me and my hair, honey, so back off!"

"Well then…are you _man_ enough to check out my _other_ abilities?" Chun-Li crossed her arms and cocked a brow. Guile stared at her for a long moment, looked her up and down, then shrugged.

"Oh, alright. Turn around and bend over, sweetheart."

"Ex-CUSE me?!" Chun-Li sputtered in outrage.

"But…but you just said…"

"I mean _fight_ me!!"

"Oh- OH! _Fight_ you!" Guile paused. "I thought you meant you were a tiger in the sack." There was an awkward silence. "You sure you don't wanna-"

"ARGH!!" Chun-Li decided to end the conversation and so launched herself at Guile. The two of them scuffled for a moment, Chun-Li dancing around him and flipping onto the hood of his car. She sat down with a smirk.

"I'd like Bison myself-" She began.

"What, _you're_ after his hot ass too?!"

"NO! He killed my father!" Chun-Li growled, then cocked her head, considering. "It's his _subordinates_ asses I want." She smiled. "So…will you team up with me?"

A silent stare-down took place between the two, lasting until one of them was forced to giggle.

"Alright, alright," Guile said through his titters. "Here's my answer." He reached into his pocket and grabbed his keys.

*_Weee-ooo! Weee-ooo_!*

Chun-Li shrieked and fell off Guile's car as its panic alarm came on. Guile took advantage of the opening and hopped into his car, taking off into the night.

"Asshole!" Chun-Li hollered after him. She blinked as his brake lights came on, and the vehicle screeched backward in reverse.

*_THUD_!*

"…Sorry." Guile poked his head out his window and looked back at Chun-Li's fallen form. "Bad brakes. I warned you."

-Later, in Los Angelos-

In the city of Los Angelos, a plane landed in the dead of night on a lit runway. As the plane slid to a stop, a hatch opened and Guile jumped out, a single suitcase clutched under one beefy arm.

"…Can you let me out now?" Chun-Li's muffled voice asked from inside. "I…can't feel my toes."

"Yeah, sorry." Guile undid the latches and she tumbled free. "I…have bad flier miles. It was either stuff you in a suitcase or pretend you're a bitch."

Chun-Li stared at him in confusion.

"A…bitch? Oh! Oh, you mean a _dog_!"

"No, I actually mean a b-"

*_SLAP_!*

The two of them climbed into a small Jeep and began driving down the highway, intent on reaching a certain location.

"Why are we going to a disco?" Chun-Li asked, sitting in the passenger seat. "Are we looking for one of those sentry cyborgs?"

"No, I…I just gotta _dance_!" Guile sighed, running a hand through his hair. "This whole week has been _really_ stressful, and I just _gotta_ dance it out!"

Chun-Li stared at him.

"I swear you are _almost_ as gay as Ken Masters."

Meanwhile, at the very disco they were headed to, men suddenly came flying out of the windows, hitting the pavement with dull thuds. The owner of the disco, DJ, a huge, shirtless black man with dreadlocks and sunglasses, moon-walked out after them.

"Y'all suckahs best get out, if y'all can't take mah rhythmic shouts!" He rapped. The men who'd been thrown out simply stared, dumbfounded.

"Oh God that didn't even RHYME-"

"Look, just get the *_bleep_* up out mah place, dig?" DJ stated.

Nearby, several sentry cyborgs had their eyes on DJ. One of the cyborgs was wearing a jersey and baggy pants, break-dancing on a piece of cardboard with a boombox blaring. Another cyborg was dressed as a pimp complete with huge, feathered cap and cane, and was slapping up a few hookers for good measure.

These robots are _masters_ of disguise.

As DJ finished kicking out the offenders, Guile and Chun-Li ran up from down the street.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Captain Guile," he began. "And this is-"

"_Sweet melt in your mouth caramel bar_-" Chun-Li gasped out upon catching sight of DJ. Guile gave her a smack. "I mean…I'm Chun-Li. How do you do?"

"What's crack-a-lackin', homies?" DJ asked, turning to them.

"We're here to warn you!" Guile explained. "Shadowlaw is after you!"

"Fo' realz, brah?" DJ shook his head. "Oh, that is just wiggedy-_wak_! I iz just keepin' it real, holmz, and them _hatahz_-"

"Please…speak English." Guile interrupted, not having understood a single word DJ had just said.

"He wants to know why they're after him," Chun-Li translated, then glanced back at DJ. "Other than the _obvious_ reason that he is one of the _sexiest_ bruthas alive."

"Shadowlaw is gathering data on fighters," Guile explained. "And-"

"OW!" Chun-Li cried out as the pimp-cyborg wandered over and gave her a slap. "Hey, I am NOT a whore!" She grabbed the cyborg and yanked off its head. "Huh. It's not usually that easy. Oh, he's a cyborg! And look! There's another one!!" She dropped the first cyborg's head and pointed at the break-dancing robot. It froze, then began doing the robot. "You're not fooling anyone!!" Off came its head as well.

"DJ, help us by telling-" Guile began.

"Huh?" DJ looked at Guile, confused.

"Uh, I mean, puttin' the word out on the street about these wangsters, dawg! Ya dig?"

"I dig." DJ fist-bumped with Guile and winked at Chun-Li. "Later, ho!"

"Call me!" She giggled, blushing.

Unbeknownst to the others, watching the entire scene take place was one final cyborg, through which Bison was able to witness everything. The evil mastermind of Shadowlaw chuckled to himself as the camera focused on Guile.

"Well, well, well. That old flame." He smirked. "So he's still crawling after me, is he? Poor fool doesn't know when to take a hint." The camera panned away from Guile and focused on Chun-Li. "Oh, she's just a cutie-_patootie_, this one! What do you think, Vega?" He turned to the masked warrior, who was the only one of his subordinates present at the moment.

"Her buns are a-_dorable_!" Vega gushed.

"Hmm, yes," Bison agreed. "Her rear _is_ quite-"

"I…meant the ones on her head."

Bison stared at him for several long moments.

"Are you…_sure_ you're up to this?" He asked finally. Vega nodded.

"Yes, sir!" He answered eagerly, lifting a claw, which shined with wicked light. "I will without a doubt ambush her and…_braid her hair all night long_."

"Just GO already, will you?!" Bison barked, covering his face with his hands in embarrassment as Vega turned and skipped merrily out of the room.

-Las Vegas-

Many miles away in the city of sin, Las Vegas, a huge party was being held. Champagne was served to wealthy gentlemen in tuxes, beautiful women in silken gowns accompanying them, all chatting to one another and enjoying the carefree atmosphere. Balrog stood off to the side of the party, speaking into a small phone.

"Yup, all the crime lords are here at the party. Huh? What's that? No, I don't know how long I'll be out. Yes, I'm wearing clean underwear. Yes. I'm not lying! Yes, I brushed my teeth, too. And- floss? Okay, okay! I'll do it before I go to bed. _Sheesh_." He paused. "I…I love you too. Bye." Balrog sighed and snapped the phone closed. "Damn Bison. Never lets up."

After a few more minutes of idle chit-chat, the partygoers were rounded up and led into an expansive arena room, all taking seats to watch some sort of exciting spectacle. Once everyone was seated, the show was on! Blanka, the green beast, and Zangief, the enormous hairy wrestler, were released into the arena to battle it out. The two fought for a bit, then began a two-step and were joined with a chorus line of Vegas show-girls who sang and kicked up their heels – come on! It's Vegas, isn't it?

-New York-

Back in New York, Chun-Li had retired to her apartment, taking a shower. Sorry, boys, nothing for you to see here! Unless you got the uncensored version, then you get to see some titties.

"_What_?!" Chun-Li stumbled out of the shower and snatched up a towel. "No-one told me about that! I never agreed to anything of that nature!" Wrapping herself up, she scuttled out of the bathroom and dashed to her bedroom, where she quickly put on underwear and a t-shirt. "Damn perverts…" Chun-Li brushed out her hair, re-braiding it in the familiar bun-style. Once it was over, she sighed and lay back on her bed, cuddling with one of her pillows. "Oh…Sagat, Balrog, DJ…you're all so _manly_!"

"Hey, baby."

Chun-Li opened her eyes to find Vega clinging to her ceiling. She stared up him.

"You're _not_ Balrog."

Vega shook his head.

"Or Sagat."

Vega shook his head again. Chun-Li frowned.

"Good Lord, I'm not even sure you're a _man_!"

"I am _too_!" Vega huffed, then dropped down onto her bed. "_Pillow fight_!" He squealed, snatching up a pillow and hurling it at her face.

"Get offa me, ya fairy!" Chun-Li snapped.

"How DARE you insinuate that I'm _gay_?!" Vega gasped in shock.

"Uh, dude," Chun-Li pointed out, "you wear spandex, you hair is longer _and_ nicer than mine, and you're obsessed with your looks."

Vega paused, considering.

"Hmm, yeah. You have a point. Plus I have sex with men-"

"GET OUTTA MY ROOM, GIRLY-MAN!!" Chun-Li leapt at Vega, and the fight began. Out in the hallway, her phone rang in vain.

"Come on, pick up the phone!" Guile complained from the other line, attempting to phone Chun-Li as he drove his car around the city. "I'm sorry I pretended to be DJ that last time! Just pick up the phone already!"

As Chun-Li and Vega battled, they crashed out of the bedroom, hitting the phone and making it fall to the floor. Guile's eyes bulged as he heard the screams and cries of Chun-Li over the phone line.

"No! Stop!" She begged. "Get away from my hair with that curling iron! It can't take the heat! NOOOOOOOO!"

"Oh my gosh!" Guile gasped in horror. "Chun-Li's adorable buns are in danger! And this time I _am_ talking about the ones on her head!" Guile threw the phone down and slammed on the accelerator, putting the pedal to the metal in order to reach Chun-Li in time.

Back in the apartment, the fight between woman and womanly man continued. Vega stepped back and laughed cruelly, his claws glinting.

"There, I gave you a haircut, sweetums! How do you like it?"

Chun-Li gasped as she felt at her head and found that nearly half of one bun had been sheared off.

"You…you MONSTER!!" She screamed in fury, heaving up her couch and hurling it at her attacker.

All the way below, Guile finally arrived at Chun-Li's apartment building, rolling from the still moving vehicle and running inside as it hit a wall and exploded in a crimson fireball. What can I say? He's an AMERICAN. Since the elevator was too stinky (Guile suspected it was the little old lady's fart which meant it would be particularly nasty), he skipped on by and dashed for the stairs. Little did he know Chun-Li was on the fiftieth floor…

A good hour later, after Guile had managed to drag himself up the final flight of steps, he puffed down the hall and kicked open the door to Chun-Li's apartment with a girly grunt.

"Chun-Li!" He called, entering the darkened room. "Oh, GOD there's hair everywhere!" He caught sight of Chun-Li, collapsed against the wall. He hurried to her side and gently helped her up. "Chun-Li? You okay?"

"G…Guile?" Chun-Li's eyes fluttered open and she weakly raised her head. "How…how are…my buns?"

"They're…really tight and cute," Guile joked, a tear in his eye. Chun-Li chuckled softly.

"Very funny. Are they…oh GOD…is that my _hair_ over there?"

"Shh! Shh!" Guile pressed her face into his chest as a manner of comfort but instead smothered her into near unconsciousness. "Don't look, sweetie. Don't look. We'll get through this together. _Shh_!"

Chun-Li began sobbing quietly, and Guile rocked her back and forth. He blinked and looked around, confused.

"Chun-Li? Where is he? Where's Vega?" He asked.

"Heh heh…I…got him back…" Chun-Li snickered, then fainted. Guile put her down and walked over to couch to find-

"Oh LORD." He quickly averted his eyes from the horrible scene before him and shuddered. "A _mushroom_ haircut? Damn, bitch, that's harsh. I almost feel sorry for the bastard."

-Later…-

"Her _hair_?" The Police Chief at Interpol sighed into the phone, voice tinged with regret. "What a shame. Those buns of hers were _adorable_." He paused. "She still has the ones on her butt, right?"

"…Yeah, they were there last time I checked," Guile drawled, speaking from the other line at the Hospital where he'd rushed Chun-Li moments earlier. "Any news?"

"Yes, actually" the Police Chief went on. "Reports show that Bison will probably go after Ken Masters next. He's good…not that…I would know or anything." He blushed and glanced at his full-wall poster of Ken naked in a bed of roses. "Bison will most likely try to approach him."

"_What_?! Who is this 'Ken'?! Is he hotter than me?! DAMMIT!" Guile snarled into the phone and punched the wall. "The doctors say they'll try to save Chun-Li's hair, but it's pretty touch and go…. They…they don't know if she'll-"

"Oh my GOD! It's a Code Red!!" A doctor suddenly shrieked and ran up to Guile. "This poor man has a hideously bulbous growth on his head, most probably feeding off his _brain_ fluids! He needs surgery, _stat_!!"

"That's not a growth, it's my hair!" Guile growled, fighting off the doctor, who was now armed with a pair of lethal scissors. "How many times do I have to _tell_ you people that?!!"

-Washington Lake-

Away at Washington Lake, Ken was taking a ride in his car with his (fake) girlfriend. Music blared from the radio, their hair blew in the wind, and-

*_Screeeeeeeech_!!*

Ken suddenly slammed on the brakes and turned to the girl with a glare.

"…This isn't working," he stated.

"You're telling me!" The woman snorted. "These clothes aren't even my color!" She gestured to her choice of apparel, which were an exact copy of Ryu's.

"That's because _you're_ not trying hard enough," Ken snapped. "Now let's try again." He started driving again. "…Ryu…will you marry-"

"It's illegal."

"You and your vagina ruin _everything_!!" Ken hollered. Fuming, he turned away and let his mind wander back to the years of his training with Ryu and their non-existent teacher. During those years, he and Ryu had run free over the mountain, through the woods, the trees-

"No day-dreaming!! You're _driving_, dumbass!" A shriek from his pretend-Ryu/girlfriend brought Ken back to the present with a jolt and he gasped as a huge semi bore down on him.

"Whoa! Sorry!" He quickly jerked the wheel to the side, dodging the oncoming traffic and escaping with their lives intact. The two drove on in silence for several long moments afterward. "…I peed a little."

"Oh, great," the woman sighed dismally. "I'm gonna have to wash those jeans _twice_."

Finally the ride ended with Ken taking his date home and driving off into the night. As Ken drove, he once again began remembering Ryu and their times together long ago.

"Ryu…" he thought aloud, fists tightening on the wheel, "I'm getting tired of waiting!" (This is actual dialogue from the English version. Feel free to giggle). As Ken continued to drive, a huge object dropped from the clouds behind and began following his car, hovering ever closer. Ken glanced in the rear-view mirror and finally noticed he had a stalker. "Objects in mirror are close than they- Oh my gosh it's a UFO!" Ken gasped. "Is it aliens? Little ET? Will they anally probe me?!" He went quiet for a moment. "…Maybe I should slow down."

Ken stomped on the brake and brought his car to a grinding halt on the side of the road. He watched as the UFO – which turned out to be Bison's evil jet of sinisterly…evil evil? Something! – also stopped, hovering in midair. A small staircase lowered, and Bison stepped out, cape whipping in the wind and eyes gleaming.

"Greetings, Mr. Masters!" He called down mockingly to his prey. "I have come for you!"

Ken stared up at him in awed silence.

"…I love you. Take me, hot Alien man."

"Join me, and I'll make you an even greater fighter than Ryu!" Bison went on. Ken's eyes narrowed upon hearing Ryu's name, and he came to his senses.

"Ryu…how dare you try to trick me! It's _Ryu_ I love!"

"Oh? Have I hit a nerve?" Bison chuckled and used his psychic powers (…yeah he has those) to lift Ken off the ground and up to his level. "…Why are your pants wet?"

"I…I was _startled_, okay?" Ken huffed and colored. "Hmm…I guess I'm in no position to bargain…" He fidgeted around in mid-air until he was in a sexy pose. "Now I am! How's this, huh?"

"Better," Bison admitted. "I'll fashion you into a _real_ fighter!"

"Oh, well that doesn't sound so bad-"

"Let's start with _shoes_."

"Ryu, HEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!"

-Later…-

Guile drove a jeep through the night, a single soldier accompanying him in the passenger-side seat.

"Why are you driving to see Ken Masters, sir?" The soldier asked curiously.

"It's possible Bison is targeting him," Guile explained. "We have to reach him before he does!"

The inside of the jeep was suddenly filled with an awkward silence.

"You think he's cuter than me, don't you?" The soldier said quietly.

"Dammit, soldier, we've been _over_ this!!" Guile broke off his protests as a red sports-car came into sight down the road. Screeching to a halt, Guile and the soldier got out and ran to the vehicle, searching it thoroughly.

"Is this Ken's car?" Guile wondered. The soldier nodded and pointed.

The car's license plate said "ILUVRYU", and the windshield was plastered with many pictures of Ryu, making it almost impossible to see the road through the mess.

"No doubt about it. It's his," Guile sighed. He frowned at the pictures. "I'm pretty sure that's a driving hazard."

"…The pictures or the extreme gayness, sir?" The soldier ventured.

"BOTH," Guile answered. "Dammit! We're too late. Bison got him…"

"…Do you _really_ think he's cuter than me? Come on, tell me, I won't be mad."

"*_Bleep_*-dammit, man, just get in the car already!!"

"You don't have to _yell_! You have to _talk_ to me!"

-At Interpol-

Back at the police headquarters, Interpol, the Police Chief and others, including Guile, were holding a briefing to discuss what measures would be taken to stop Bison and rescue Ken.

"Shadowlaw has stationed monitor cyborgs all over the world," the Police Chief was explaining. "Thankfully, we've outsmarted them and remain un-breached. Oh, thank you." He turned and accepted a steaming cup of joe from a cyborg disguised as an intern. "…Someone give him a raise, will you?" He gestured at the robot and took a sip. "Mmmm. He's a hard worker."

"Sir! We've located Ryu, who trained with Ken Masters!" An officer handed Guile a clipboard displaying a picture of Ryu as well as data on him. Guile gasped aloud.

"My GOD. No wonder he turned gay, he's _beautiful_," he said dreamily.

"…What?"

"Er…I said where is he?"

"He travels around a lot," the officer explained, "never sitting still. He only uses cash, never cards or checks, so we can't trace him that way either. It's…it's almost as if he's…_running_ from something. Or someONE."

…Gee. Take a guess as to who _that_ could be.

-At General Hospital-

At New York City, Guile paid Chun-Li another visit back at the hospital. He stood next to her bed, staring down at her unconscious body. Her hair was hooked up to a heart-rate monitor (wait, how is it beeping?), and Guile spoke to her, softly.

"Hey, kid…you're looking…you're looking _good_…" He faltered, then continued with difficulty. "Anyway, great news. We found Bison's hideout…so…I'll be sure to get revenge for you. You just stay here, and…and…get…better…" He slowly reached over and began braiding what was left of her hair before bursting into tears and running from the room, hands covering his face. "Oh God I can't _take_ it! I can't stand to see your buns like this! Bison…damn you! You'll pay!"

"Ah! It's the escaped patient from before!" A doctor cried. "Get him!!" A group of doctors piled on Guile as he squawked indignantly.

-At the Secret Shadowlaw Base of Evil-

Back at Shadowlaw's evil secret hideout, Bison was busy doing normal things, like dusting his lab, baking cookies, and brainwashing Ken into a coma. Bison stood outside the room, watching through a window while, inside, Ken sat naked on a chair, hooked up to- wait, WHAT? He's NAKED? _WHY_?

"Hmm, yeah, I probably should have put a towel down or something before I put him on that chair," Bison admitted.

…But why is he _naked_? Seriously.

"It's part of the brainwashing procedure!" Bison insisted.

It is?

"…Alright, it isn't, but this takes a _really_ long time and I should at least get something to _look_ at! I mean, _really_!" He turned to a nearby computer screen and began sorting through Ken's memories, deleting the ones he felt unnecessary. "Oh, I just _love_ that crumpling paper sound!" He giggled diabolically. "Now, let's see…gotta sort through these memories…sex…sex…_more_ gay sex…sex…_attempted_ hetero-sex…gay sex…Good Lord, does this boy do anything _else_?" He paused. "Oh, look. Monopoly." He paused again. "Oh God! Strip Monopoly! With construction workers! Delete! Delete, delete, _delete_!!"

*_Be-Boop_*!

"What?! Trashcan full?! How is that even _possible_?! Oh, I _knew_ I should have lain something down before putting him on that chair!!!"

Ken growled in his sleep and muttered.

"A…anal probe!"

"_I said no_!" Bison barked out at him through the intercom. "Now shut up and let me brainwash you!!" He paused for a moment before continuing. "Thank you, sir. Please drive around to the next window!"

"You make that sound _sexy_-" Ken muttered.

"_I don't need no lip from you_!!"

-Elsewhere at the Moment…-

Ryu, meanwhile, was blissfully unaware of his best friend/potential rapist's predicament, and was busy climbing a *_bleep_*ing mountain. Why? Because he's a MAN, that's why. Also, he's running from Ken, and that justifies about everything. As Ryu climbed, old, unwanted memories of Ken resurfaced…

"You bitch!!" A younger-looking Ken screeched at Ryu. "How dare you not return my feelings!" He slapped Ryu across the face, causing him to fall over backwards and tumble down the many temple steps. "…Now look what you made me do!" Ken hurried down and helped Ryu back to his feet. "I'm sorry! It'll never happen again, I swear!" He tied a pink bow around Ryu's bleeding forehead. "Now let's go make out-"

"I just told you I'm _straight_-" Ryu began.

"You bitch! I'll make you love me! Just wait!!"

"…And that's how it all started," Ryu sighed as he continued to climb. Geez, why doesn't Bison delete all of _his_ crappy memories? Poor guy needs it.

Guile, meanwhile, was sitting in the back of a helicopter, hugging himself tightly and sucking his thumb.

"Captain Guile," the pilot spoke through the intercom, "we'll be there in a few minutes. Be strong till then."

"Roger." Guile replied.

"…You copy?"

"No, I mean send Roger back here so he can hold and rock me until we arrive. Also, I'm pretty sure I wet myself when we hit some turbulence a little while back."

"Alright, you hear that, Roger?" The captain spoke. "Bring a towel."

"Dammit, I _hate_ my job!!" Pitiful Roger lamented.

-Back at Shadowlaw's Secret Base…-

Back at his evil base, Bison swiveled dramatically in his chair, whirling around to-

"Oh gosh-_darnit_!" He cursed. "I spilled my warm milk! Now my new cloak is ruined!" He fussed about with his cape before turning his rage on the clichéd mad scientist. "YOU! You can create monitor cyborgs to spy in every inch of the globe, but you can't fix my chair?!"

"Sir, I told you," the clichéd mad scientist explained with exasperation, "that's the slowest it can swivel."

"…Are you saying that it's _my_ fault the milk spills?" Bison asked dangerously.

"Of…of course not!" The clichéd mad scientist quickly corrected himself. "It's…it's Balrog's." He pointed at the black boxer.

"Say wha-"

"BALROG!!" Bison rounded on him, eyes blazing with fury. "As punishment, you have to be the one to go peel Ken off the brainwashing chair!"

"What? Aw…_awwwgh_!" Balrog gagged and made a face. "Do…do I at least get _gloves_ or something?"

"NO."

"_Dammit_!!" Balrog stomped out of the room, swearing like Fifty Cent.

"Guile is trying to reach Ryu first," Bison mused, swiveling forward once again, "but _we'll_ be the ones to claim him."

"Please, Master. Let me fight him!" Sagat begged, stepping forward. Bison scowled at him.

"And you! Will you get over him already? What are you, in love with him?"

"What? No! That's ridiculous!" Sagat spluttered, cheeks darkening in a flush. "I…I am not! I just want to fight him, beat him, hold him in the thunderstorm again-" He paused, lower lip quivering dangerously. "Oh my God I AM in love with him!!" Sagat burst into girly sobs as Bison rolled his eyes.

"Why is everyone I recruit into Shadowlaw so effing _gay_?" He growled to himself. "Oh well. At least _I'm_ safe." He paused, then twirled in his chair and lifted his arms up in glee. "_Wheeeeeeee_!"

-End Part 2-

Disclaimer: I don't own Street Fighter.

Author's Note: Yeah, last one yet to come. Gimme a few days.


	3. Part 3

Author's Note: Whee. Here's the last one. Enjoy. Or not.

Disclaimer: I don't own Street Fighter.

Street Fighter II

The Gay-nimated Movie

Part III

The Himalayan mountains shone in the sun, white peaks glistening with snow. Atop one of the lower rocky peaks perched a tiny thatch hut, and on the training grounds in front of the hut was Ryu, doing his special 'training', which consisted of him doing…absolutely nothing. …I wonder if he has a video of that workout, and if so, where can I buy it?

"…You _seriously_ call that training?" A dubious voice called from behind. Ryu glanced over his shoulder as E. Honda (huge sumo wrestler from earlier) struggled out of the hut and frowned at him. "I call that standing there and fighting to keep living."

Ryu stared at the enormous man, eyes wide with wonder.

"How on EARTH did you fit in that hut?!" He demanded to know. "Is there, like, a rift to a separate dimension where you're _skinny_ in there or something?"

"Yeah," Honda snorted, "and in that dimension, you're NOT an asshole."

Above them, thunder rumbled in the sky. Ryu glanced up, eyes narrowing.

"Looks like a storm's brewing," he commented.

"What? Oh, no, that was just me and my gut," Honda corrected, pointing at his rotund belly, which grumbled again as proof. "See? I haven't had a decent meal in a while." He patted his belly, then suddenly gazed intently at Ryu, who squeaked in fear. "Haha! I'm kidding! Calm down! I wouldn't eat ya, you're Japanese! That would be _cannibalism_!"

"So…if I wasn't…?" Ryu began.

"Oh, in an instant."

"_Oh shit_!!" As Ryu was having an inner freak-out, the sound of chopping blades intruded on the serene stillness of the mountains. The two Japanese fighters looked up in confusion as a helicopter zoomed towards them through the sky. As it slowed to a halt, it hovered over the fighters, and Guile jumped down to join them on the cliff below.

"Oh GOD they found me!" Honda cried as Guile ran up. "Listen, I did NOT eat that guy in Budapest! He was already dead by the time the police arrived, and the reason I was chewing on him was because I was trying to revive him!" He paused. "With my mouth."

"You're really not helping-" Ryu pointed out.

"I know!!"

"That's not why I'm here," Guile said dismissively, turning to Ryu. "Are you Ken Master's stalking victim, Ryu?"

"That depends," Ryu replied, raising a brow. "Did you or did you not wet yourself?"

"…I'm scared of flying, alright?!" Guile huffed. "Now listen to me! I'm Captain Guile, and your friend was abducted by Shadowlaw."

"REALLY?!" Ryu gasped excitedly, then sobered. "I mean…really?"

"They plan to turn him into a terrorist," Guile went on.

"Ken isn't a terrorist!" Ryu cried in outrage. "Sure, he's a sick, obsessed, perverted, twisted, self-centered spoiled brat who can't take no for an answer, but he is _not_ a terrorist!"

"…Not far from it, though," Honda muttered.

The meeting was cut short as Bison's evil plane suddenly dropped from the clouds and zoomed close.

"Oh, no! It's Shadowlaw!" Guile snarled. "Bison had me tailed! In a _bad_ way!" Ryu and Honda stared at him. "We had a thing, okay? Get over it."

"Can I eat that?" Honda asked Ryu, pointing at the plane. Ryu just stared at him. "I'm guessing that's a 'no', then…. Well, this Bison, he sure likes to make an entrance!"

"Oh, you have _no_ idea-" Guile began.

"We don't want to hear it!!" Ryu and Honda cut him off.

"You two are just _jealous_!"

As the three of them bickered, Bison's plane landed, settling down a short ways from the group. A small stairway lowered from the plane's belly, and strobe lights suddenly flickered on, accompanied with loud beat-music.

Ken Masters strutted down the stairs, a new man. If he could be called that.

"Ken!" Ryu gasped in horror. "My God, what have they DONE to you?! You're even gayer than before! I never thought that was possible!"

Bison appeared at the top of the stairs, speaking into a microphone as Ken continued strutting his stuff below him.

"And here's Ken Mastersss!" He introduced, waving a hand airily. "Ken is wearing the latest fashion of Dior, a new designer fur vest with a white cream top. His pants are rich satin with lace trim, and his shoes are-"

"Bison, you sick bastard! Is there no end to your villainy?!"

Bison stopped his speech and blew a kiss at Guile, who glared at him in fury.

"So, all the stars have assembled?" He laughed, looking from fighter to fighter. "Excellent!"

"Stinking bastard, what have you done to Ken?!" Ryu cried. Bison grinned.

"Well, first we gave his hair a trim and some natural highlights, followed by a facial and spa treatment," he explained. "Then we started on his _wardrobe_-"

"…That's not what I meant!"

"Anyway," Bison went on, "we've recruited Ken, who now wishes to be called…_Kendel_."

"Lord, even his _name_ is gayer!" Ryu's mind whirled. "Hold on, Ken! I'll save you!" He rushed forward to help his friend, but Ken's eyes flashed angrily and he attacked.

*_Slap_!*

"…Ow!" Ryu backed away, nursing his injured cheek. "He slaps like a girl! …Ow, I think he scratched me, too!"

"That's an…after-affect of the whole gay-brainwashing thing," Bison admitted after a moment. "He spits, too. Better watch out."

Ken arched his back and hissed like a cat, clawing at the air with his newly-manicured nails.

"No…Ken is my…my…" Ryu scowled, thinking hard. "…Well, okay, he isn't really my _friend_…or _companion_…or _acquaintance_, either…he's my…my…"

"Stalker?" Honda piped up.

"Yes, that one!" Ryu nodded. "Thanks."

"No prob." Honda flashed him a thumbs-up.

"Bison, I'm gonna rip your heart out!" Guile roared in fury.

"Sorry, afraid I don't have one!" Bison laughed. "I gave it to you that Valentine's Day, remember?"

"Oh, _God_, that was so romantic!" Guile swooned, losing his will to fight. "And then later we made love so _powerful_-" He stopped and shook his head. "No! Stop it! Stop playing with my feelings!"

"Can I eat him?" Honda asked, sidling up.

"Will you _stop_ asking to eat people?!" Guile barked at him.

"Hey, at least I'm _asking_!" Honda shot back. "And I can't help it, I'm _hungry_!"

In the background, Balrog jumped down from the plane, joining the fight.

"…Can I eat him?" Honda tried again.

"NO!" Guile snapped.

"Yo yo yo!" Balrog crowed. "I'm one of Bison's new bitches!"

"Okay, _eat_ him!" Guile shoved Honda forward (wow he's strong), and the sumo wrestler quickly found himself face-to-face with the boxer.

"Uh…hi, I'm Honda, and…" he stopped, staring. Balrog's eyes were pointing in totally different directions. "…Good Lord, did the animators even _care_?"

"Huh? Whatcha talkin' bout, fatass?" Balrog asked, oblivious.

"…Nothing," Honda stated. "_Itadakimasu_!!"

And so the battles began, Ryu versus Ken, Guile versus Bison, and Honda versus Balrog.

"Ken, I'll save you!" Ryu said valiantly, trying to remove Ken's fur vest but instead receiving scratches for his efforts. "Ow! Okay, that _really_ almost hurts! Come on, just let me-"

"_Hssssssst_!"

"Ow! Quit it!! The normal Ken would _die_ at a chance for me to undress him!!"

Nearby, the fight between Honda and Balrog was on, the black boxer unloading punch after punch on the pudgy wrestler as he defended.

"Ow! Ow! Hey, if your eyes are screwed up, how are you hitting me?!" Honda wondered aloud.

"How am I _not_?" Balrog retorted. "You're a *_bleep_*ing _whale_."

"Alright, that was just _uncalled_ for!!" Honda pulled out a fork and knife, having decided it was time to get serious.

Guile's fight wasn't going so well, as Bison teleported around him, dodging punches and kicks with ease.

"What's wrong?" He taunted, slipping past yet another blow. "Don't tell me you still have feelings for me!"

"NO! That's not true!!" Guile snarled, throwing more kicks and punches in desperation. "I don't need you!! I…I…Oh, God, _please_ come back to me, Bison-baby! I'll be so good to you, rub your feet every night and-"

"No thanks." Bison stepped forward and shoved Guile off a cliff.

"_You complete meeeeeeeeee_!" He wailed as he fell.

Honda and Balrog leapt on one another and began wrestling (cookies n' cream twist, I believe Chun-Li would say). Their rough-housing resulted in them also falling down a cliff and into a deep gulf below.

The only two fighters still at the top of the cliff, Ryu still valiantly tried to save his friend, Ken, from the horrendous amounts of gay he was suffering.

"Ow ow ow! Stop slapping me already!!" Ryu growled, backing away. "All I said was those shoes make you look shorter!"

*_Slap_!*

"I said STOP!"

There was a pause.

*_Slap_!*

"Alright, _that_ does it!!" Ryu whipped off his red gloves and glared at Ken. "Time to fight like a _real_ man!!" And they did, with all the slaps, scratching, hair-pulling, name-calling, and spitting two burly men could supply. Wow. All they need is mud and some speedoes- "I said no!" Fine! Stingy…

As the girly-man battle raged on, Ken began gaining the upper hand, as he was obviously the girlier of the two. He made a fabulous hair-grab and pulled back a fist to finish off Ryu.

"Ken…dammit…" Ryu struggled weakly, unable to escape his opponent's grip. "If this is…the only way…to bring you back…I know I'm gonna regret this… _DAMMIT_!" Left with no other options, Ryu took a deep breath, and went for it.

He kissed Ken.

Silence filled the cliff-top, even the birds and insect stopping to watch the super-humanely gay event taking place before them.

"_Gaaah_!" Ryu suddenly pulled away, spluttering and gagging. "_Uuugh_! That tongue is _definitely_ Ken's! He's back!"

Ken blinked several times, finally coming to his senses. He glanced around for a moment, then stared at Ryu dreamily.

"…Did we just have sex?"

"NO."

"Because I _vaguely_ recall you trying to undress me-"

"NO!"

"And then there was mention of some mud and speedoes-"

"I SAID NO! _GAWD_!!"

"…You're so cute when you're angry."

"_WHY DID I TURN YOU BACK_?!" Ryu cursed, then gasped as Bison suddenly appeared behind Ken, a black look of fury twisting his face.

"You worthless pile of excrement!!" He hissed. Ken stared at him.

"…What?"

"I called you a piece of shit."

"Oh." Ken blinked. "HEY!"

"Ken, DUCK!!" Ryu cried in warning.

"Where?" Ken looked around excitedly. Ryu sighed. He'd forgotten Ken was an idiot on top of being a pervert.

"It's…right here," Bison told Ken. "In my _fist_."

"Oh, come ON," Ken scoffed in disbelief. "There's no way a _duck_ could fit in your-"

His statement was cut off as he was _moved_, bitch, get out the _way_. Bison then grunted in satisfaction and turned his sights on his next victim – Ryu.

"Get out of my way!" Ryu warned him. Bison just smirked.

"Ryu, I've finally found you!" He chortled, then frowned. "…That's funny, for some reason I thought you'd have glasses and a red-and-white hat…oh well." He rushed forward, and another fight broke out. Ryu fought with punches and kicks, like a true hero, while Bison was cheap and used his telekinetic powers to dodge and weave about.

"Here's my offer!" He proclaimed as the fight wore on. "Become a Shadowlaw soldier, or I will destroy you!"

"…Well that doesn't sound too bad," Ryu admitted after a moment.

"You also have to be my new boyfriend."

"Why do I always only attract _men_?!" Ryu attacked his enemy with renewed vigor.

Elsewhere on the cliff, Ken lay in the dirt, unconscious from Bison's attack. As his mind swirled between reality and dream, several flashbacks invaded his thoughts…

-_Flashback Time_!-

Ryu and Ken stood before each other, both ready to part ways after competing their rigorous training.

"See you later, hot stuff!" Ken gave Ryu's butt a parting smack. "But you won't see me!" He paused. "Because I'll be hiding in the _bushes_-"

"Okay, I get it!" Ryu turned and hustled away. "Restraining…order…" he jotted down, casting a nervous glance over his shoulder. Ken was already gone. Ryu hustled faster.

Another memory came into focus. Ken kneeled before his elderly master's derelict hut. Of course, the master was inside, unseen.

"Oh, leaving so soon?" Master Gouken asked from the interior. Ken nodded.

"Yes, incorporeal sensei. I must leave."

"Your training here was but a step in your preparation," Master Gouken said enigmatically. "A time will come in your life when you will face an opponent, and to defeat him, you must go _beyond_ victory."

"…What the _fu_-"

"And also…" Ken shut his mouth and leaned closer, listening intently. "You will NEVER have him."

"YOU WORTHLESS OLD FART!!" Ken leapt up and kicked the doors to the hut down, dashing inside and punching his octogenarian sensei. He fell to the ground like a bag of shattered glass. "…Oh shit I think I broke his spine." Ken stared at his master's unmoving form. "I'm SO telling Ryu it was old age."

"_K…Ken…"_

"Oh, master! You're still alive!" Ken knelt down and gently helped his master up. Gouken beckoned, weakly. Ken leaned close and placed his ear next to his master's mouth. "What is it, sensei? Tell me."

"_You…will…NEVER…have…him…"_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

-Flashback's Over!-

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Ken's eyes snapped open as he screamed himself awake. "Wha…what's going on?" He looked around wildly for a moment, confused and disoriented. "Where am I? How did I get here? And…" he glanced down at himself, "what am I _wearing_?!" He tried to get up, but failed. "Ah! What's wrong with me? My leg's won't move…and my butt hurts!" He paused, cocking an eyebrow. "Anal probe?"

Struggling over onto his stomach, he began to crawl across the ground until he was able to see Ryu, still battling with Bison.

"Ryu!" Ken gasped. "Bison! You're the one who did this to me! You brainwashed me! And then you anally probed me!"

"You anally probed _yourself_!!" Bison hollered furiously. Ken blinked and frowned, thinking back.

"Oh yeah…"

"_Ew_," Ryu stated, then resumed the fight with Bison. As the two of them battled, Ken focused on fixing his unresponsive legs.

"Cleanse my mind…" he thought to himself, closing his eyes and concentrating hard. "Focus on my target…breathe…"

"Ken?" Ryu suddenly interrupted. "Why are you doing a headstand? And more importantly, why are you doing it _naked_?"

"It's called Naked Yoga and it's very good for you!" Ken snapped at him. "It's relaxing and healthy!" He went back to concentrating, focusing so hard he began hearing Master Gouken's voice coaching him through.

"Ken…what do you see…beyond your fist?" Gouken asked. Ken's brow wrinkled.

"I see…" he whispered, "…Ryu's _hot_ ass."

"…You will NEVER-"

"Don't make me shut you up again, old man!!" Ken's eyes snapped open. He was ready. Surging to his feet, legs as strong as ever, he turned and rushed to Ryu's side, eager to join the fight and help take down Bison.

"Ken, you're alright!" Ryu said with relief (and hidden disappointment). Ken winked and blew him a kiss. "Still gay, though. Damn."

"You refuse to join me?" Bison growled, his anger dangerously close to boiling point. "Fine, I'll cast you aside just like I did Guile! Bring it on!!" And so the fight began, Ryu and Ken versus Bison. Wait…isn't two on one, kinda…_unfair_? Oh, wait, Ken doesn't really count as a man, so nevermind, continue fighting.

Ryu attacked Bison vigorously, beating the larger man back with powerful punches. Bison didn't take this too well.

"You little maggot!" He growled in anger. "No-one has ever toppled me before!" He paused. "Except for _Guile_-"

"We _don't_ need to hear about that!!!" Ryu cut him off.

"Hey, _I_ don't mind," Ken stated.

"Of course you don't!" Ryu snapped at him. "But help me fight him anyway!" Ken shrugged, but complied. Together the two of their combined powers proved too much for Bison. Perfectly synchronized, the two of them gathered energies in the palms of their hands and released them as Hadouken's, together destroying both Bison and his diabolical plane behind him.

"Whoa! What the-?!" Honda emerged from the woods nearby, carrying Guile over one shoulder and struggling to keep his balance from the earth-shaking explosion. "What the hell's going on here?"

"…He did it," Ken said quickly, pointing at Ryu.

"Shut up, Ken! We both did! Oh!" Ryu smiled. "You saved Guile! And what happened to Balrog?"

"Oh, I've got him, too," Honda assured him.

"…Where is-"

"_Riiiiight_ here." He finished, pointing at his stomach.

"Oh God."

Next to him, Ken leaned close in an attempt to steal a quick kiss. Ryu decided to give him a taste of his own medicine.

"_HSSSSSSSSSST_!"

*_Scratch_!*

"Ow!"

-Meanwhile…-

Soon after the battle was over, police helicopters took to the sky, flying to the evil secret Shadowlaw hideout that was no longer so secret or evil. Using missiles and bombs, the base was blown to smithereens, the cliff-face quickly becoming a sad-face in the destruction. No…not the…_warm milk_!

-Later-

Guile, having recovered from the battle (and receiving counseling for his co-dependence issues), drove in his car through the streets of New York. His phone suddenly rang, and he answered it gruffly.

"Hello?"

"Good evening. This is General Hospital, and-"

"Look, I _told_ you people already," Guile fumed, "my hair looks like this _naturally_! Now stop pestering me about it and go-"

"No, actually," the secretary cut him off. "It's Chun-Li we're talking about."

"…Oh. Be there in a sec." He hung up the phone and slammed on the accelerator, driving like Lyndsay Lohan all the way to the hospital. Once he arrived, he somersaulted out of the car, letting it crash into a nearby station-wagon and running inside the building. Dashing down one of the long hallways, Guile roared like a T-rex and lifted an elderly man in a wheelchair, hurling him to the side and continuing down the hall.

"…He wasn't even in your way!" Another patient stated.

"I know," Guile shrugged. "But I'm an _American_!"

Finally Guile reached Chun Li's room, where a nurse stood waiting him.

"We…we tried to save it with extensions," the nurse sniffled, attempting to be strong. "But…but…oh, it's just too _sad_!!" She burst into tears and ran sobbing down the hall.

"Oh God I'm too late!" Guile's own eyes filled with tears as he slowly entered the room, approaching Chun-Li's bed. Her body had been covered with a white sheet, and the machines beside her were painfully still and quiet. "I…I'm sorry for all the bun jokes I made…Chun-Li…I hope you can forgive me…"

"Nope, don't think so!" The white sheet was suddenly swept off and Chun-Li sat up, smiling brightly. "Don't worry, my hair is fine! I got a weave! Tricked you, didn't I?" Guile was staring at her insanely. "You're not mad, are y-"

"_Why you little_-!!" Guile leapt forward and began strangling her with his big, meaty hands. Chun-Li flailed about, desperately smacking at the call button above her bed. Finally a nurse dashed into the room and injected Guile with a tranquilizer to calm him down.

-Elsewhere…-

Elsewhere in America, more specifically a desert in the middle of nowhere, Ryu and Ken stood by the roadside, trying to hitch a ride. It wasn't working very well.

"Take your shirt off," Ken suggested.

"No." Ryu refused.

"Come on! It'll make them stop! Look, I'm naked, and it's working!"

"…They're driving away faster!"

"_Pssh_! You're no fun…" Ken snorted and tossed his head.

Suddenly a car coming down the road began to slow, its turn signal blinking.

"See? Told you it worked!" Ken grinned and pulled his clothes back on. The car screeched up onto the side of the road, almost colliding with Ryu.

"Hey!" He hopped back a step and glared at the driver, who happened to be Ken's pretend girlfriend. She smiled innocently.

"Sorry," she giggled. "Bad brakes!"

"…Why is she dressed exactly like me?" Ryu asked after a moment. Ken stared back at him blankly.

"I have _no_ idea what you're talking about." He strode past him and got in the car. "See you around, Ryu!" He smiled. "Because I'll be watching through your _window_-"

"Just leave!" Ryu snapped. Ken laughed as the car took off down the road.

"I won't be forgetting that _kiss_!" He called teasingly.

"_And never come back_!!" Ryu hollered after. He sighed as the car disappeared down the road and hitched his bag over his shoulder. Ryu began to walk down the long expanse of road as the credits for the crappy movie scrolled down-

*_HONK HOOOOONK_!*

Ryu whirled around, eyes widening with horror as an enormous semi-truck bore down on him, Bison grinning evilly from behind the wheel.

"Oh my G-"

*_Whee-oop_!*

"Oh gosh-darnit!" Bison pulled over and fumed silently as a police officer pulled up behind him and walked out to the side of the truck.

"License and registration, please," the officer said firmly.

"But officer," Bison begged, "I was _trying_ to kill my arch-nemesis!"

"…Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to get out of the truck," the officer ordered. Bison grumbled but unbuckled his seat-belt and obyered. Ryu started giggling off to the side. "Alright, now close your eyes, lift your right leg, and count to thirty."

Ryu burst into gales of laughter.

The End!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Street Fighter.

Author's Note: Hooray, done. Even if no-one reads these, they were still fun to write. Congratulations…_to me_!


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